Lovefool

Home life is slowly starting to get to a place of normality.  Of course by normality I mean that we are exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night to feed him or to check on him if his alarms go off.  So far David is still adjusting to being home which means that he goes through moments where breathing seems to be optional to him.  We have had to have a couple of talks about this and he seems to be listening. Last night he only had to be on oxygen for a couple of hours and the biggest reason to do this was as much for us as it was for him.

I think that I would have been a paranoid father no matter what but this whole thing has just taken me up another notch or two.  I am constantly looking at his breathing/color/poo/medicine schedule/stats/heart rate and whatever else we can look at to see if he is ok.  Too often I have to take a deep breath and remember to just enjoy him.  I guess trying to find that balance is parenting.

David really seems to enjoy laying on us or just looking at us and studying our faces and smiles.  He is starting to make more and more faces at us which is by far one of the more fun things to watch.  We are so happy he is a snuggely kid because we like to snuggle in with him.  This afternoon Nicole had to go to the Social Security office to work on some stuff for David and we decided it was best for him to stay home.  David and I settled in and after he
ate I laid David on me and we settled in for a movie where he stayed sleeping for the rest of the afternoon.  It was in that moment
when I was once again reminded how precious this gift of parenthood is.  The love I feel for David and Nicole and the family we have made is so beyond words.  What I know is that no matter what life David chooses to live my love for him will never stop or grow old.  Every day I wake up looking forward to the time where nothing in the house is going on and the three of us are on the couch together.  Walt Disney made Disney World/Land to be"The Happiest Place on Earth" and I love Disney World but it can not hold a candle to the 3 of us sitting together just loving each other.

Last but not least if you are on Facebook check out TEAM DAVID.  It was created by some amazing friends of ours who love David and us and wanted to create a community of people to support him and welcome him into the world. 

Thank you all once again, we love you.

D

Splish Splash I Was Taking a Bath!

 Today we gave David's his first bath!!  Needless to say he did not like it.  Even before the water started it was like he knew something was up.  We had a hot towel waiting for him as soon as he was done so it made things better, letting him cuddle into it and momma's arms made him very happy.

Over all the last couple of days have been pretty good.  He went to the pediatrician's office for his first check up.  The nurses were a little confused that he was a month old and just now getting his first doctor's visit.  At first they kind of looked at us skeptically so we had to explain the whole open heart surgery thing.  Then it was a big ah ha moment.

It really is amazing how different we feel now that we are home, we are loving the ability to do lay down with him and love on him and not have to be buzzed back to see him.  The hard part is our safety net has been taken out from us.  When he DeStats we have to look and see if it is really him or if it's the monitor not picking up, we have to know when and how to give him oxygen through his tank.  There are moments when I think too much about that and it makes me sad but when I look at him and spend the time just loving my son, all that other stuff is so worth it.  So here are some more pics for you all to see with him during bath time.

D

Take Me Home Tonight!

So if you haven't heard the news yet...



WE ARE HOME!!!!

We were told by the doctor's that recovery from the surgery would take 6-8 weeks before we had the chance to go home. Right now I am sitting on our couch looking at our son 3 weeks to the day from when he had open heart surgery. It is amazing to think how far he has come in this time and how strong he is. David did great on the way home he loves his car seat once it is moving, I mean seriously he is out in no time.

Going into the house for the first time was very surreal and emotional when we really thought about it. The last time Nicole was in the house we had a huge breakdown in David's room, we had just heard the news that David had heart issues and were on our way up to Louisville. We had to take David's car seat out of the car to make room for the dogs and as we took it inside we went to David's room and all of a sudden the thought that there was a possibility that David would never make it into his room or car seat. Yet yesterday we go to do just that and we go to rock in his chair and we were woken up in the middle of the night by his cries and all that other good stuff. In fact I am writing in a near trance and I couldn't love it more.

So on the going forward side we have to give him 5 different medicines a day and has to be on a machine that measures his oxygen levels as well as his pulse for a good portion of the day and we have to go back to the doctor here soon to start preparing for the next surgery but all of that is so far out of our mind because all we do is look at him and realize how amazingly lucky we are. We "fight" over who wakes up to feed him and care for him, leaving to go somewhere is usually done as quickly as possible as to not be away from him. It's just so amazing to be able to be nesting into our home.

Once again I would like to say thank you, thank you for your prayers and support, thank you for the love you have given to us and especially the love you have given to David who the majority of you have never met or seen in person. Hopefully going forward, as we move this horribly crappy state of weather and cold and flu season, more of you will get to meet this incredible and loving little dude that has lightened up our lives in such an amazing way. Also if you are a nurse of any kind let me just say thank you. Our NICU and PICU nurses and doctor's both have been so amazing to us and to David, literally they saved his life and allowed God to use them to minister and help in the healing of us. I have learned/am learning so much about myself as a father, husband, Christian, Pastor through this process and I can't wait to start living that out. So the sun shined brighter today, waking up at 5:30 was not a problem because love was very present then and as The Beatles say..."All You Need is Love"! Love all of you thank you again!

-D

Oh also blogger is being weird and only allowed the one pic but please check out some of the extra pics on facebook if we are friends.

A quick thanks

Hey all, I know that mist of you have heard our happy news, that David us now at home with us! I know most of you want a blog about our first day home but right now we are just in an amazingly happy place laying in our bed and looking at David. One will be written soon....but more than anything else I'd like to say thank you for your prayers, love, and support. You have lifted us up and kept us going and we can never thank you enough. Thanks again!



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Nicole's Ramblings for 1/10/2011

Again, I have been volunteered to write the blog. I am starting to understand why Drew wanted to do this in the first place. It's kind of therapeutic to put your feelings down on paper - or screen, as the case may be. Thank you, husband, for letting me share. You're the best!

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This is what we saw when we walked into the NICU today. Those eyes seem to stare right through us. It's amazing to watch him change every day - even throughout the day. Now that he can focus on things near his face, he sees us. When we talk, he searches for us. He will lay in our arms and just stare for as long as we will let him. It's awesome!

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Now that he's eating more, David's turning into such lazy kid.

Check out this yawn!

Good thing his parents are kinda lazy! We can't wait for the day that we can lay on our couch and stare at him lying next to us. Or take a nap on the bed, look over, and stare directly into his sweet, giant eyes. One of my favorite times of the day is right after eating when he starts to drift into his "milk coma". His eyes roll back, his lids flutter, and he smiles. I know it's just gas or a reflex or something, but it still melts my heart. I like to think that he's smiling at me. :-)

I love this. Another of my favorite things is watching Drew with David. Each day I am more and more amazed with the man I married 4 1/2 years ago. Words fail me at this point.

And now an update on David:

Yesterday, I actually got to nurse him! I can't tell you how happy this made me. After 3 weeks of watching my child lay in a bed, recover from surgery, and be attached by so many cords and wires, I finally felt like I was a mom able to provide for my son.

However, the doctors think he was having trouble digesting my milk - thus leading to the runny & bloody stool. Today we stopped giving him my milk and switched him to Similac. I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad about that. I really want to give him the best that I can, which I think is my milk. But if it hurts his little tummy, we'll do whatever we need to do to fix it. There is still a bit of blood (the docs think it should clear up in a day or two), but his stools were much more normal looking (you know, I never thought I'd be so excited to see baby poop!).

He went down 2 ounces in weight from yesterday. Our goal now is to get the scale going the other way and fatten him up. We're hoping the formula with more calories will do that. He looks so tiny with all the weight he's lost (about 1 pound so far, but on such a small body, that's a lot!). Please continue to pray for David's recovery, weight gain, and digestive system.

If you could also say a prayer for Drew and I, we would appreciate it. This is our life now, and we wouldn't trade him for the world. But sometimes it's hard. Sometimes we can't help but wonder what if...Then we look into that beautiful perfect face, and the what ifs dissapear. We are so in love with this little person we created that we can't really imagine it being any different. David is such a strong kid with a beautiful heart. We should know - we've seen it! We can't wait for him to grow up to see who he will become and what he will accomplish.

So, Drew and I were talking the other day after a comment was made along the lines of "Why would God let this happen?" I'm not sure why I feel the need to share my stance on this, but here it is:

God didn't "let" this happen. This isn't happening to punish us or David. It's not because we didn't pray enough or we didn't follow the commandments to the letter. At one point, we lived in a perfect world (I refer you to Genesis). Then Eve had to go and eat that darn fruit (women!). We have completely screwed up our society and turned it into something totally opposite of what God inteded for us. I don't think that God planned for or wanted David to have a broken heart. I think that's just something that's happened b/c of what we've done to the perfect world that God created. God knew that David would need people around him that would love and support him. He was put into our lives because God knows the strength we have - even though we usually don't. People keep telling us how strong and amazing we are. We don't see it that way. We're just trying to be the best parents we can be. We're doing what any parent would do for their child, aren't we? If there is something our boy needs, we will do everything we can to provide that for him. It's not being amazing, it's being a parent, and that's all we want to be.

I guess I should quit rambling now and go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day we get to spend staring at our beautiful baby boy. Have a great night everyone!

Asking for prayers for David, still have some blood in stool but other than that he is doing amazingly well! Just needs to figure out what's causing that an for him to fatten up!




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You Lookin at Me?

So nothing too major for David today, he is still doing good and is eating well. I am back in Bowling Green as I type this in the house by myself which is weird, lonely, and sad but I am excited to preach and I am excited to get back to my family. I love my calling but it's in these moments when I realize how much I rely on Nicole in my calling and how much I can't wait for David to come home and our family to settle/nest in. Love all of you!


D

Eat It! (It's a Weird Al Song)

So a quick blog to tell everyone that David is eating really well! 2 ounces of his momma's milk which is great news and no blood in his stool which is equally exciting. It is really amazing how exciting milk and poo becomes. Please keep us in your prayers and that David continues to rock this thing out!




WE LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!


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Ice Ice Baby

So today I'm blogging a little early to ask for some prayer. This morning David's temperature dropped low enough to worry the doctor's that he may be getting sick so they have done some cultures and started anti-biotics. They think he's fine but they are being cautious. David's temp has gone back to normal since Cole and I have been here and we are just waiting to here if we can feed little bit here soon to start his aspirin back up. We are just loving on him and praying over him and ask that you do the same. We fully believe that he will be just fine and is in the most capable hands possible.

David's daily paparazzi pic:



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Gangster's Paradise

David is still NPO for a lil while but he ate great last night. Mom and dad had a better day as well!

Aunt Beth holding him:



Our lil homie:


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Nothing Snazzy to Say

I wish I could think of a snappy title, something that could some up how we feel or how the day went. The honest truth is Cole and I both left Kosair's this evening pretty sad and beat up. David didn't eat as well as he has in the past and probably more than that we are just getting frustrated. We so badly want to take our baby boy home and have him in our house putting him in his bed not a warmer or a crib that the hospital has. We know this is part of the process and we are still relatively early in the process and that others are in worse shape than we are at the moment. We appreciate all of those sentiments but in the end we say good bye to our boy every night and drive away and that breaks our hearts.

I think we are longing for sense or normalcy and routine to life outside of waiting to be buzzed into the NICU or eating cafeteria food.

So that is where we are at right now, David began to eat better before we left which made us feel some better and we are happy that Jessie got to hold him today for the first time and we are excited that Beth will be able to hold him as soon as she can get up there. We also know that these feelings will subside/go away in time and that one day these feelings will be a distant memory as we laugh and love on David in our home but right now it is the world we live within.

It is a constant reminder that how thankful I am for Nicole. I distinctly remember on our wedding day we promised to have and to hold, to forsake all others, for better or for worse and I know that as we are going through some of our "for worse" right now that my love and appreciation for Nicole continually deepens.

So tonight I beg you to pray for us, for our spirits to be uplifted but more than that I ask that you continually pray for David, for his eating habits and for his heart.

Also the pic of the day is up in the last blog post which is a great pic of mom and David loving time.

-D

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Crazy Hair

David had a great day today and we spent most if it loving on him. Please keep praying for his weight and heart live all of you! Here is a great pic!




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I'm Too Sexy for this Onesie!

Today was an extremely great day for both David and us but before we get into all that let's just take a moment and marvel at the cuteness and awesomeness that is David Allen Hayes.....


Still a little bit more time....



Ok, feel free to scroll back up and enjoy the cuteness whenever you want but we probably should go on because I feel some sleepiness coming on soon. So I woke up super early (for me) to head back down to Bowling Green and Mt. Olivet to preach and be with our church family there. Mom was kind enough to go with me to spend some good quality time with me. I have to admit I was terribly conflicted because I wanted/needed to preach but I was so worried that something would happen to Cole or David and I would be too far away. Thankfully that didn't happen and preaching and worshiping with Mt. Olivet was such a healing process for me. The hugs and love made me realize not just how much we are loved but that we are not alone. In fact that has been the beautiful thing about this blog, Team David, and Facebook, we realize how not alone we are, that there are other people that love us and David and are praying for the 3 of us. After preaching I packed up some stuff and started heading home but the most important part of the story is that Nicole got to see David get his pacemaker wires and his two IV's pulled today!!! Then only things he has left is his NG Tube, PICC Line, Leads, and Oximeter which while not that sounds like a lot compared to where he was at it feels like he really doesn't have anything. He even got to wear clothes today!!! That is amazingly exciting for us because it just gives him a different character and he really seemed to be more comfortable in clothes which made us happy to see. He is only allowed to wear certain types but we are excited to see what he is going to be wearing tomorrow. David ate well and slept well and probably a bigger moment than all that was that both grandma's or Noni (Lynn/Drew's mom) and Gigi (Tina/Nicole's Mom) got to hold him today. It was awesome to see the people who love, care, and raised us holding our son and loving on him. If you can't tell by the pictures it seemed to make their day too!

So if David continues to eat well he will continue to get things taken out slowly but surely and hopefully within the month he will be in the back seat of the Taurus driving really, really slowly back to Bowling Green which is exciting to think about.

We also had the chance to tell our story to two families that have boys that are having the same surgery that David and his friend Zooey had. Please pray for Jonathon who is having surgery on Monday (Jan. 3) and Noah and his surgery on Tuesday (the 4th) as they continue on the stressful journey. It was nice to talk with them and try to give them some information about what to expect and to have some laughs because you can't go through this without laughing some in some places.

Last but certainly not least wasn't Nicole amazing yesterday?! I mean I personally feel she is a much better writer than I am and she has always been my grammar checker. If it wasn't for her I'd been kicked out of MTS! But in all seriousness, I never had any doubt that Nicole would be an amazing mom and she has not disappointed. Her strength and courage in facing this really hard experience has lifted me up. Without a doubt we are carrying each other through this and letting God carry the both of us. She is flat out an amazing woman, daughter, wife and mother who I fall more and more in love with everyday...even if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

Once again thank you all for all the love and support, as we are getting more and more outside the Kozair/NICU/PICU bubble we have lived in we are experiencing the love, prayers, and comfort that you all have provided. Thank you so much.

-D

I Am Free

Drew is sermonizing, so I have been appointed "official writer of the blog" for today. Allow me to apologize ahead of time. Let it be known that I am not a writer. In high school, I had friends write my papers (sorry, Mom!).

Anywho, here goes...

Today when we got to the NICU, we walked in and the first thing we see is David's face. His whole face. Without a forehead sensor. Without an oxygen tube. It was the first time since he was born that we had seen his sweet forehead. I wasn't completely prepared for the emotion I was going to feel. They seem like such simple things - he had a sensor taken off and his oxygen tube removed. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal when you read it. But this was a huge step in the right direction. Slowly but surely all the cords, leads, lines, sensors, and probes are being removed. Each one means one less thing keeping us in this nightmare. Each one is one step closer to being able to take our precious child home.

Daddy got to feed him today! It is one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. I could sit and watch them together all day every day. I have always known that Drew would be an awesome dad. But once I saw him hold David and love on him, I was overwhelmed by...I don't know what that feeling is. It's bigger than joy. Bigger than love. Something so enormous that I had trouble containing it. My heart completely melted. I could never have made it through this ordeal without Drew. He's my rock. Now he can be David's rock, too. I have lots of hopes and wishes for David. The main one is that he knows how loved he is. With a daddy like Drew, I know that will never be an issue.

David has something to tell everyone:

Love to all!

~Nicole~