Fix You

On the good side of the day, David got to move back down to NICU today! The big deal of that is David is out of the most critical part of his recovery. His next challenge is to get weened off of the last couple of medicines, air support, and learn to eat. As you can see the orange tube that was put back in his nose some of his nutrients are coming via feeding tube. He is still getting to feed from a bottle but what he doesn't eat normally it gets put in the tube. We were excited and sad for the move. Excited because it is a step in the right direction, I mean the next step (whenever it is) is home. The hard part is a couple of more things.

1. We don't know when that next step is going to happen. We are no longer on a time table but merely on how much David eats and how much he gains.
2. We are no longer able to just hang out in his room because he doesn't have a room anymore so we are back to visiting 2 at a time.
3. We had to leave David tonight, I mean like not just leave the room for a little bit but I am sitting at my mom's house typing this. It sucks to know that we can't just stay with him but we know that we have to for us and more importantly for him. Needless to say we will be back first things int he morning.

The hardest part of the whole thing is the inability to fix David. Part of parenthood that we want to be about making sure our baby doesn't hurt. The kissing the booboo, turning tears to laughter, making things right. We have come to the point of understanding that in this situation we can't fix what is wrong with him. We can sign consents and we can be there for him in the fussiness and after surgeries but we can not fix the thing that is wrong with him. What we can do however is love him and do whatever it is we can do to help him out.

While it is hard to leave him my favorite part of the day is right before we do. Not because we are about to leave but because we have been doing our night time routine. We both sing songs to him and kiss on him and then Nicole and I take each others hands and then take a hold of his and we say the Lord's Prayer together. Tonight as we were doing that David had this amazing calm whether it is the loving touch of parents or a holy moment of the spirit working within us or both. But it really meant a lot to me at least. I think in the process of all this I will eventually come to understand that while we can't physically fix his heart, our love and the love of his family, friends, and others will be huge in mending the emotions and lovingly telling the story of his life.

-D